Thursday, November 18, 2004
How not to stage Shakespeare
An important guide to what directors should attempt.
Some things to pledge not to do:
"26. I will not cut important scenes simply because I do not like them.
40. Titania should not be portrayed as a dominatrix.
80. I will not un-soliloquize soliloquies.
81. I will not fail to employ a dictionary if there are words in the text whose pronunciation is uncertain, and I will strongly encourage my actors to do the same. I will not allow an actor playing Richard II to go through the rehearsal process without being disabused of the notion that "Antipodes" rhymes with "nematodes" if he is in need of such disabusement.
121. If I insist on directing myself as Henry V, I will learn my lines, since Katherine will be unable to provide me useful cues from nothing but various permutations of "I don't understand you."
151. Having Shylock pour blood on a prayer shawl and ululate in Hebrew while waving a curved knife during the trial is just overkill
203. I will never dress Puck in a black t-shirt reading PCUK, even if it seems funny when I think of it."
And some points that you should reverse - these are things taht should be going on:
"18. I will not forget that although he's a wonderful character, there are other people in the Henry IV plays besides Falstaff.
21. I will not require anyone to paint a St. George's Cross on his face.
104. Henry V is Henry V and Blackadder is Blackadder. Cast members who are playing members of the French nobility shall refrain from speaking deliberately execrable French; neither shall they speak English with a comic accent. Violators will be tossed to bilingual members of the audience for chastisement.
204. I will never cause a character to fall into water (e.g. swimming pool) just because the actor looks good in a wet t-shirt."
Some things to pledge not to do:
"26. I will not cut important scenes simply because I do not like them.
40. Titania should not be portrayed as a dominatrix.
80. I will not un-soliloquize soliloquies.
81. I will not fail to employ a dictionary if there are words in the text whose pronunciation is uncertain, and I will strongly encourage my actors to do the same. I will not allow an actor playing Richard II to go through the rehearsal process without being disabused of the notion that "Antipodes" rhymes with "nematodes" if he is in need of such disabusement.
121. If I insist on directing myself as Henry V, I will learn my lines, since Katherine will be unable to provide me useful cues from nothing but various permutations of "I don't understand you."
151. Having Shylock pour blood on a prayer shawl and ululate in Hebrew while waving a curved knife during the trial is just overkill
203. I will never dress Puck in a black t-shirt reading PCUK, even if it seems funny when I think of it."
And some points that you should reverse - these are things taht should be going on:
"18. I will not forget that although he's a wonderful character, there are other people in the Henry IV plays besides Falstaff.
21. I will not require anyone to paint a St. George's Cross on his face.
104. Henry V is Henry V and Blackadder is Blackadder. Cast members who are playing members of the French nobility shall refrain from speaking deliberately execrable French; neither shall they speak English with a comic accent. Violators will be tossed to bilingual members of the audience for chastisement.
204. I will never cause a character to fall into water (e.g. swimming pool) just because the actor looks good in a wet t-shirt."
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Great line
From No Watermelons Allowed: "there are two kinds of people - those who divide people into two types, and those who do not."
Natalie Solent
Natalie Solent gets it about right:
"The fools have banned Vlaams Blok.[a moderately unpleasant Belgian Flemish nationalist party with strong popular support] Oh this is so great. Just fan-bleeding-tastic. Exactly what we needed for Europe's future, isn't it? A million-strong bunch of ethnic nationalists who believe, accurately, that their reward for taking part in the peaceful political process is to have their party suppressed by the courts. "
"The fools have banned Vlaams Blok.[a moderately unpleasant Belgian Flemish nationalist party with strong popular support] Oh this is so great. Just fan-bleeding-tastic. Exactly what we needed for Europe's future, isn't it? A million-strong bunch of ethnic nationalists who believe, accurately, that their reward for taking part in the peaceful political process is to have their party suppressed by the courts. "
Sunday, November 14, 2004
Inside the loop
Exclusive reporting for you:
""'Actually, I have my own idea,' Condi said, 'Why don't we punish Old Europe for being unfaithful to us. I have a plan for overthrowing Paris. Based on their defenses, it should take just five armed Marines and a Humvee. Then, we can raid the treasures of the Louvre. I certainly wouldn't mind the Mona Lisa on my wall.'
'Nah, I don't like art,' Bush answered, 'Except for a fish - a fish that sings.' Bush chuckled. 'What dark times you've gotten me through, Big Mouth Billy Bass.'""
""'Actually, I have my own idea,' Condi said, 'Why don't we punish Old Europe for being unfaithful to us. I have a plan for overthrowing Paris. Based on their defenses, it should take just five armed Marines and a Humvee. Then, we can raid the treasures of the Louvre. I certainly wouldn't mind the Mona Lisa on my wall.'
'Nah, I don't like art,' Bush answered, 'Except for a fish - a fish that sings.' Bush chuckled. 'What dark times you've gotten me through, Big Mouth Billy Bass.'""
New slogan
Will not let me go...
Chavesian Rhapsody, a cartoon in two (and counting) parts...
"Jewellry from Argos
Gear from Burburry
Trackies tucked in my socks
Trackies tucked in my socks, for me..."
"Jewellry from Argos
Gear from Burburry
Trackies tucked in my socks
Trackies tucked in my socks, for me..."
