Tuesday, September 07, 2004
Edinburgh Festival Best Jokes
Straight from the e-mail, but still amusing....
More than 400 performers have been demonstrating the art of comedy on and beyond the Fringe. Here's a selection of the best gags ...
The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died...
Dido must be sh*tting herself.
===================
Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?
===================
My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I Was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a tw*t.
===================
Q: Who are the most decent people in the hospital?
A: The ultrasound people.
===================
I went to the airport to check in and they asked what I did because I looked like a terrorist. I said I was a comedian.
They said, "Say something funny then." I told them I had just graduated from flying school. (Ahmed Ahmed)
===================
A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?"
I said, "All right, but we're not going to get much done."
===================
I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
===================
Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs.
You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they're enjoying it as well.
===================
My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
===================
You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend t ells you, because eventually you get tested.
She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?"
And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening ... Self-raising?"
===================
The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face.
===================
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
===================
My friend said to me: "You must be more American," so I went to have botox.
The surgeon said to me: "That's $8,000." I couldn't even look shocked.
===================
I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die.
I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help".
===================
I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating.
You can take the Girl out of Cork ...
===================
Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station.
Went along. Turned out it was a bloody hoax.
===================
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
===================
An American girl hit on me in a club and asked me to make her an Egyptian princess.
So I threw a sheet over her head and told her to be quiet.
===================
Walking down Princes Street, soaking up the atmosphere, I saw a big sign that said: "Bus tours, ten quid."
So I thought I'd give it a try... What a rip off. Ten quid to have a look round a bus!
===================
I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!"
===================
The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.
===================
Ask people about God nowadays and they usually reply, "I'm not religious, but deep down, I'm a very spiritual person."
What this phrase really means is: "I'm afraid of dying, but I can't be arsed going to church."
===================
50 Cent, or as he's called over here, approximately 29p.
===================
I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign: "This door is alarmed."
I said to myself: "How do you think I feel?"
===================
More than 400 performers have been demonstrating the art of comedy on and beyond the Fringe. Here's a selection of the best gags ...
The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died...
Dido must be sh*tting herself.
===================
Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?
===================
My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I Was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a tw*t.
===================
Q: Who are the most decent people in the hospital?
A: The ultrasound people.
===================
I went to the airport to check in and they asked what I did because I looked like a terrorist. I said I was a comedian.
They said, "Say something funny then." I told them I had just graduated from flying school. (Ahmed Ahmed)
===================
A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?"
I said, "All right, but we're not going to get much done."
===================
I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
===================
Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs.
You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they're enjoying it as well.
===================
My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
===================
You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend t ells you, because eventually you get tested.
She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?"
And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening ... Self-raising?"
===================
The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face.
===================
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
===================
My friend said to me: "You must be more American," so I went to have botox.
The surgeon said to me: "That's $8,000." I couldn't even look shocked.
===================
I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die.
I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help".
===================
I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating.
You can take the Girl out of Cork ...
===================
Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station.
Went along. Turned out it was a bloody hoax.
===================
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
===================
An American girl hit on me in a club and asked me to make her an Egyptian princess.
So I threw a sheet over her head and told her to be quiet.
===================
Walking down Princes Street, soaking up the atmosphere, I saw a big sign that said: "Bus tours, ten quid."
So I thought I'd give it a try... What a rip off. Ten quid to have a look round a bus!
===================
I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!"
===================
The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.
===================
Ask people about God nowadays and they usually reply, "I'm not religious, but deep down, I'm a very spiritual person."
What this phrase really means is: "I'm afraid of dying, but I can't be arsed going to church."
===================
50 Cent, or as he's called over here, approximately 29p.
===================
I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign: "This door is alarmed."
I said to myself: "How do you think I feel?"
===================
Edinburgh Festival Best Jokes
Straight from the e-mail, but still amusing....
More than 400 performers have been demonstrating the art of comedy on and beyond the Fringe. Here's a selection of the best gags ...
The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died...
Dido must be sh*tting herself.
===================
Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?
===================
My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I Was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a tw*t.
===================
Q: Who are the most decent people in the hospital?
A: The ultrasound people.
===================
I went to the airport to check in and they asked what I did because I looked like a terrorist. I said I was a comedian.
They said, "Say something funny then." I told them I had just graduated from flying school. (Ahmed Ahmed)
===================
A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?"
I said, "All right, but we're not going to get much done."
===================
I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
===================
Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs.
You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they're enjoying it as well.
===================
My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
===================
You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend t ells you, because eventually you get tested.
She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?"
And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening ... Self-raising?"
===================
The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face.
===================
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
===================
My friend said to me: "You must be more American," so I went to have botox.
The surgeon said to me: "That's $8,000." I couldn't even look shocked.
===================
I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die.
I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help".
===================
I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating.
You can take the Girl out of Cork ...
===================
Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station.
Went along. Turned out it was a bloody hoax.
===================
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
===================
An American girl hit on me in a club and asked me to make her an Egyptian princess.
So I threw a sheet over her head and told her to be quiet.
===================
Walking down Princes Street, soaking up the atmosphere, I saw a big sign that said: "Bus tours, ten quid."
So I thought I'd give it a try... What a rip off. Ten quid to have a look round a bus!
===================
I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!"
===================
The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.
===================
Ask people about God nowadays and they usually reply, "I'm not religious, but deep down, I'm a very spiritual person."
What this phrase really means is: "I'm afraid of dying, but I can't be arsed going to church."
===================
50 Cent, or as he's called over here, approximately 29p.
===================
I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign: "This door is alarmed."
I said to myself: "How do you think I feel?"
===================
More than 400 performers have been demonstrating the art of comedy on and beyond the Fringe. Here's a selection of the best gags ...
The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died...
Dido must be sh*tting herself.
===================
Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?
===================
My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I Was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a tw*t.
===================
Q: Who are the most decent people in the hospital?
A: The ultrasound people.
===================
I went to the airport to check in and they asked what I did because I looked like a terrorist. I said I was a comedian.
They said, "Say something funny then." I told them I had just graduated from flying school. (Ahmed Ahmed)
===================
A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?"
I said, "All right, but we're not going to get much done."
===================
I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
===================
Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs.
You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they're enjoying it as well.
===================
My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
===================
You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend t ells you, because eventually you get tested.
She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?"
And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening ... Self-raising?"
===================
The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face.
===================
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
===================
My friend said to me: "You must be more American," so I went to have botox.
The surgeon said to me: "That's $8,000." I couldn't even look shocked.
===================
I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die.
I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help".
===================
I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating.
You can take the Girl out of Cork ...
===================
Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station.
Went along. Turned out it was a bloody hoax.
===================
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
===================
An American girl hit on me in a club and asked me to make her an Egyptian princess.
So I threw a sheet over her head and told her to be quiet.
===================
Walking down Princes Street, soaking up the atmosphere, I saw a big sign that said: "Bus tours, ten quid."
So I thought I'd give it a try... What a rip off. Ten quid to have a look round a bus!
===================
I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!"
===================
The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.
===================
Ask people about God nowadays and they usually reply, "I'm not religious, but deep down, I'm a very spiritual person."
What this phrase really means is: "I'm afraid of dying, but I can't be arsed going to church."
===================
50 Cent, or as he's called over here, approximately 29p.
===================
I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign: "This door is alarmed."
I said to myself: "How do you think I feel?"
===================
Best Jokes from the Edinburgh Festival
Straight from the e-mail, but very good...
More than 400 performers have been demonstrating the art of comedy on and beyond the Fringe. Here's a selection of the best gags ...
The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died...
Dido must be sh*tting herself.
===================
Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?
===================
My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I Was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a tw*t.
===================
Q: Who are the most decent people in the hospital?
A: The ultrasound people.
===================
I went to the airport to check in and they asked what I did because I looked like a terrorist. I said I was a comedian.
They said, "Say something funny then." I told them I had just graduated from flying school. (Ahmed Ahmed)
===================
A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?"
I said, "All right, but we're not going to get much done."
===================
I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
===================
Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs.
You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they're enjoying it as well.
===================
My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
===================
You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend t ells you, because eventually you get tested.
She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?"
And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening ... Self-raising?"
===================
The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face.
===================
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
===================
My friend said to me: "You must be more American," so I went to have botox.
The surgeon said to me: "That's $8,000." I couldn't even look shocked.
===================
I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die.
I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help".
===================
I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating.
You can take the Girl out of Cork ...
===================
Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station.
Went along. Turned out it was a bloody hoax.
===================
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
===================
An American girl hit on me in a club and asked me to make her an Egyptian princess.
So I threw a sheet over her head and told her to be quiet.
===================
Walking down Princes Street, soaking up the atmosphere, I saw a big sign that said: "Bus tours, ten quid."
So I thought I'd give it a try... What a rip off. Ten quid to have a look round a bus!
===================
I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!"
===================
The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.
===================
Ask people about God nowadays and they usually reply, "I'm not religious, but deep down, I'm a very spiritual person."
What this phrase really means is: "I'm afraid of dying, but I can't be arsed going to church."
===================
50 Cent, or as he's called over here, approximately 29p.
===================
I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign: "This door is alarmed."
I said to myself: "How do you think I feel?"
===================
More than 400 performers have been demonstrating the art of comedy on and beyond the Fringe. Here's a selection of the best gags ...
The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died...
Dido must be sh*tting herself.
===================
Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?
===================
My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I Was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a tw*t.
===================
Q: Who are the most decent people in the hospital?
A: The ultrasound people.
===================
I went to the airport to check in and they asked what I did because I looked like a terrorist. I said I was a comedian.
They said, "Say something funny then." I told them I had just graduated from flying school. (Ahmed Ahmed)
===================
A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?"
I said, "All right, but we're not going to get much done."
===================
I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
===================
Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs.
You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they're enjoying it as well.
===================
My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
===================
You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend t ells you, because eventually you get tested.
She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?"
And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening ... Self-raising?"
===================
The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face.
===================
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
===================
My friend said to me: "You must be more American," so I went to have botox.
The surgeon said to me: "That's $8,000." I couldn't even look shocked.
===================
I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die.
I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help".
===================
I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating.
You can take the Girl out of Cork ...
===================
Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station.
Went along. Turned out it was a bloody hoax.
===================
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
===================
An American girl hit on me in a club and asked me to make her an Egyptian princess.
So I threw a sheet over her head and told her to be quiet.
===================
Walking down Princes Street, soaking up the atmosphere, I saw a big sign that said: "Bus tours, ten quid."
So I thought I'd give it a try... What a rip off. Ten quid to have a look round a bus!
===================
I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!"
===================
The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.
===================
Ask people about God nowadays and they usually reply, "I'm not religious, but deep down, I'm a very spiritual person."
What this phrase really means is: "I'm afraid of dying, but I can't be arsed going to church."
===================
50 Cent, or as he's called over here, approximately 29p.
===================
I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign: "This door is alarmed."
I said to myself: "How do you think I feel?"
===================
Best Jokes from the Edinburgh Festival
Straight from the e-mail, but very good...
More than 400 performers have been demonstrating the art of comedy on and beyond the Fringe. Here's a selection of the best gags ...
The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died...
Dido must be sh*tting herself.
===================
Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?
===================
My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I Was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a tw*t.
===================
Q: Who are the most decent people in the hospital?
A: The ultrasound people.
===================
I went to the airport to check in and they asked what I did because I looked like a terrorist. I said I was a comedian.
They said, "Say something funny then." I told them I had just graduated from flying school. (Ahmed Ahmed)
===================
A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?"
I said, "All right, but we're not going to get much done."
===================
I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
===================
Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs.
You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they're enjoying it as well.
===================
My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
===================
You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend t ells you, because eventually you get tested.
She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?"
And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening ... Self-raising?"
===================
The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face.
===================
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
===================
My friend said to me: "You must be more American," so I went to have botox.
The surgeon said to me: "That's $8,000." I couldn't even look shocked.
===================
I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die.
I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help".
===================
I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating.
You can take the Girl out of Cork ...
===================
Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station.
Went along. Turned out it was a bloody hoax.
===================
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
===================
An American girl hit on me in a club and asked me to make her an Egyptian princess.
So I threw a sheet over her head and told her to be quiet.
===================
Walking down Princes Street, soaking up the atmosphere, I saw a big sign that said: "Bus tours, ten quid."
So I thought I'd give it a try... What a rip off. Ten quid to have a look round a bus!
===================
I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!"
===================
The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.
===================
Ask people about God nowadays and they usually reply, "I'm not religious, but deep down, I'm a very spiritual person."
What this phrase really means is: "I'm afraid of dying, but I can't be arsed going to church."
===================
50 Cent, or as he's called over here, approximately 29p.
===================
I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign: "This door is alarmed."
I said to myself: "How do you think I feel?"
===================
More than 400 performers have been demonstrating the art of comedy on and beyond the Fringe. Here's a selection of the best gags ...
The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died...
Dido must be sh*tting herself.
===================
Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?
===================
My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I Was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a tw*t.
===================
Q: Who are the most decent people in the hospital?
A: The ultrasound people.
===================
I went to the airport to check in and they asked what I did because I looked like a terrorist. I said I was a comedian.
They said, "Say something funny then." I told them I had just graduated from flying school. (Ahmed Ahmed)
===================
A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?"
I said, "All right, but we're not going to get much done."
===================
I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
===================
Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs.
You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they're enjoying it as well.
===================
My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
===================
You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend t ells you, because eventually you get tested.
She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?"
And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening ... Self-raising?"
===================
The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face.
===================
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
===================
My friend said to me: "You must be more American," so I went to have botox.
The surgeon said to me: "That's $8,000." I couldn't even look shocked.
===================
I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die.
I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help".
===================
I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating.
You can take the Girl out of Cork ...
===================
Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station.
Went along. Turned out it was a bloody hoax.
===================
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
===================
An American girl hit on me in a club and asked me to make her an Egyptian princess.
So I threw a sheet over her head and told her to be quiet.
===================
Walking down Princes Street, soaking up the atmosphere, I saw a big sign that said: "Bus tours, ten quid."
So I thought I'd give it a try... What a rip off. Ten quid to have a look round a bus!
===================
I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!"
===================
The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.
===================
Ask people about God nowadays and they usually reply, "I'm not religious, but deep down, I'm a very spiritual person."
What this phrase really means is: "I'm afraid of dying, but I can't be arsed going to church."
===================
50 Cent, or as he's called over here, approximately 29p.
===================
I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign: "This door is alarmed."
I said to myself: "How do you think I feel?"
===================
Sunday, September 05, 2004
I think this guide to International understanding has me bang to rights:
"Hence the guide's warning that when a Briton says “I hear what you say”, the foreign listener may understand: “He accepts my point of view.” In fact, the British speaker means: “I disagree and I do not want to discuss it any further.” Similarly the phrase “with the greatest respect” when used by an Englishman is recognisable to a compatriot as an icy put-down, correctly translated by the guide as meaning “I think you are wrong, or a fool.”
The guide also points out helpfully that when a Briton says “by the way/incidentally”, he is usually understood by foreigners as meaning “this is not very important”, whereas in fact he means, “The primary purpose of our discussion is...” On the other hand, the phrase “I'll bear it in mind” means “I'll do nothing about it”; while “Correct me if I'm wrong” means “I'm right, please don't contradict me.”"
Via Joanne Jacobs (linked)
"Hence the guide's warning that when a Briton says “I hear what you say”, the foreign listener may understand: “He accepts my point of view.” In fact, the British speaker means: “I disagree and I do not want to discuss it any further.” Similarly the phrase “with the greatest respect” when used by an Englishman is recognisable to a compatriot as an icy put-down, correctly translated by the guide as meaning “I think you are wrong, or a fool.”
The guide also points out helpfully that when a Briton says “by the way/incidentally”, he is usually understood by foreigners as meaning “this is not very important”, whereas in fact he means, “The primary purpose of our discussion is...” On the other hand, the phrase “I'll bear it in mind” means “I'll do nothing about it”; while “Correct me if I'm wrong” means “I'm right, please don't contradict me.”"
Via Joanne Jacobs (linked)
